Aug 26, 2021

it seems like I have been sick for a very long time

--

there is a lot I didn’t tell you 

I don’t know why 

maybe I didn’t want to frighten you 

with too much information

about how nothing lasts 

all is impermanent

that things like trust and decency can fail

that youth is not always a strength

that you are not invincible or infallible

I can see you found out the hard way

and there are also good things that I held back

I often told you that i loved you, son 

but never that being a father completed me

that I became a man because of you

And your brother, your sister, your mother

and I didn’t tell you that love lives on

even after death and I knew it

as I write this I am sick 

it seems like I have been sick for a very long time

breathing is hard 

like I am breathing through a thick wet blanket

some years have passed since you died

and it is a beautiful spring 

flowers and trees bloom, kids play

and I am still grief itself

as if grief was a sick old man

-jobe


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