I don’t know, maybe I didn’t want to frighten you
With too much information.
About how nothing lasts.
All is impermanent.
Including things like trust, love, decency.
That youth is not always a strength,
That you are not invincible or infallible.
I can see you found out the hard way.
And there are good things that I also held back.
I often told you that I loved you, son,
But never that being a father completed me.
That I became a man because of you,
Your brother and sister, your mother.
And I didn’t tell you that love lives on,
Even after death. And I knew it.
As I write this, I am sick.
It seems like I have been sick for a very long time.
Breathing is hard, like I am breathing
Through a thick wet blanket.
Two years have passed since you died,
And it is a beautiful Spring.
Flowers and trees bloom, kids play,
And I am grief itself.
James Lee Jobe
11 Apr 2019